faithfulness

i finally finished my last outline and turned it in just before work today around 1:30. all of this has brought on a lot of examining my heart before the Lord. i feel like i'm in this transition of life where i must choose now whether i'm going to seek the Lord with my all or only half-heartedly. i know these options make the answer seem pretty obvious, but i don't mean just saying that i'm going to pursue the Lord. i mean living my life in constant pursuit of the Lord i claim to love.

after reading through romans and first corinthians in such a short period of time and then picking them apart and applying them to my life for this assignment, i want to be in the Word more. with all that i have before me this semester, i'm realizing that the strength i think i have in me is nothing. this is going to sound weird, but it's a really good thing that i'm recognizing that i can't handle it without the Lord. the result has been more prayer and more thinking on things that honor the Lord (Phil. 4:8).

the awesome thing about it all is that it's nothing in me, but the Lord's grace. i don't understand why He chooses what He does, but i do know that He is doing amazing things in me. the things that i used to think about and "worry" about have paled in comparison to what the Lord has been putting on my mind. this is the first time in my life that i have consciously chosen not to be interested in a guy, yet seek to be a sister in Christ to my brothers. i find myself seeking to change my thoughts before the Lord when they are not honoring to Him. He's been bringing Scripture to my mind every time i struggle. if i had known this is what seeking the Lord would be like i would have gotten my act together a long time ago! although, i'm pretty sure i wasn't ready for it yet.

so for some time now my favorite passage of Scripture as been 1 thes. 5:16-18 "rejoice evermore. pray wihtout ceasing. in everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." only now is it starting to take shape in my life. you know that verse about the peace that passes all understanding? yeah, that's me. even in the midst of everything going on, i can't help but rejoice because the Lord is crushing me so that He can make a new vessel of me. what a Savior!!

as for this past weekend, which i never wrote about.... i think it's one of those experiences that can't be summed up very easily. the topic was integrity and throughout the weekend i was so convicted about all these "little" areas in my life that just added up to SO much sin! it was really humbling and the Lord was so faithful in not allowing me to block any of it out. we celebrated the Lord's Supper on sunday night and i wish i could describe the flood of emotion that poured from me. my heart was overwhelmed at the grace and love of the Lord. my eyes were filled with tears as rick holland reminded us of the sacrifice He made for our sins--for MY sins... i had trouble breathing. it was as if someone was hugging me so tightly and i was filled with such joy that i simply couldn't hold it all in. i know that my faith should not be based on feelings, but this was definitely one of those times where the feelings added to my praises to the Lord. i pray that my worship to Him was acceptable. that weekend was probably one of the most impactful weekends of my life... our God is an awesome God!